Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
