new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
