I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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