I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
