it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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