just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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