the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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