Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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