No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we're making bets on your personal life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
