she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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