Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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