did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize