Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize