My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
