Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
