I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
