you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
