the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize