i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize