I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
