Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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