dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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