I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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