Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
