No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
someone owes me an orgasm
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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