Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
