Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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