He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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