as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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