I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
