Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
