she looked like the bat from fern gully.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
