I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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