I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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