at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
