Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
