My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
