He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
