Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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