do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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