I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
