Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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