she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize