I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There r osticjed everywhere
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
