I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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