You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
