we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
