Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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