You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
