Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
