A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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