tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
