It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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