your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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