My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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