How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
