I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
