True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
