If i come over, it means nothing
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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