I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
