let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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