We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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