I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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