So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
