this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
