My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
