He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
