Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
