The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
