God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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