Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
