I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
