Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
