Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
