He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did i walk over a car last night?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
