just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
