Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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